Alpine Divorce

Admin V talks about why you should be a couch potato like her

Admin V here. I got a late start to the Women’s History Month post because some friends and I trekked up to Charlotte to visit with another friend who had a rough week. I ate cheesecake and painted with children who were better at painting than me. It was fun.

So the topic we’re going to talk about today is Alpine divorce but with all that happened this weekend, I do want to give a book recommendation. Battle for God: The History of Fundamentalism by Karen Armstrong. She covers the historic rise of fundamentalism in the three Abrahamic religions and her sections on Iran and Israel are quite good and very relevant to this moment in time and history.

Last week, a video went viral of a woman who had been abandoned in the wilderness by her partner. This is called an alpine divorce and is apparently so common that it has a name and the moral of the story is to never go on romantic hikes. Something that my couch potato ass does quite well.

An alpine divorce is when a partner takes you on a hike. They’re the better hikers. They’re faster. Whatever. And they abandon you lost to the elements essentially to die. It can also mean pushing your partner off a high cliff or shooting them while out in the middle of nowhere In the case last week, the woman was fine, but what the fuck.

People are talking about this as a new term, but I’m a true crime girly and I know it is a new term, but the concept is very old. It is murder with plausible deniability. “She fell while taking a picture.” “We got separated. I called for her, but she couldn’t hear me.”

It is fucking abusive.

Dear men (or women) who want to break up with your partner. You don’t have to do this. You can just say “I’m not into you any more” while in a public place. No need to be dramatic.

One of the cases that I remember was a guy named Harold Henthorn who went hiking with his wife of 12 years. The views were gorgeous. She was taking pictures. He pushed her off a cliff. He got away with it for years and was caught because he confessed on his death bed. He also probably killed his first wife.

Another case is where Loren Callan lured his ex-girlfriend Jolee to go hiking with him and he took a picture of her and then shot her. Now, he didn’t get away with this because the shooting leaves evidence, but still.

There are also stories of men taking women on “a nice short nature walk.” The woman dresses as if she is going on a casual mile walk. She doesn’t wear hiking gear because she is on a date with her partner. She doesn’t bring bottled water or food. The man takes her on a ten mile hike to test to see if she complains and does well under adversity. I hope they broke up after that hike, because that isn’t something that you do to people.

Again, I’ve never felt more validated in my decision to be a couch potato than when I read stories like this. That said, I’ve got new rules for hiking with partners for those of you who aren’t couch potatoes. Drive yourself to the hiking spot so you can’t be abandoned in the wilderness with no way to get home. Only hike in well-traveled trails and always tell your besties where you’re going and tell them to call the police when they don’t hear from you at a certain time. If they want to change the hike at the last minute, say no. Always carry your own provisions. Never hike without water and snacks in a backpack that you carry. Pay attention to your surroundings. Make sure you’re staying on the trail and pay attention to trail markers. I can’t promise they won’t shoot you or push you off a cliff, but at least if you get abandoned, you have a shot of making it home.

Or be a couch potato and don’t go on hikes with partners like me.